Right Here Waiting…..
Hmmmnn, Ron is curled up on a chair at Hongkong International Airport trying to catch some much-needed nap while here I am tapping on my keyboard thinking of what I want to say today. There’s a lot actually if I could just focus on how I feel right now….oh, forget the fatigue or lack of sleep, those are pretty easy to deal with…..what’s hard is thinking about what the girls are doing right now, or how they are coping up with another sad goodbye, or reading their text messages repeatedly saying how much they miss me, etc, etc….
Yesterday, my parents and Jednel drove to Manila with us. It was easy to talk Jedzel out of coming but Jednel insisted she wanted to come. Despite concerns that she might end up getting sick with the long travel, my resolve melted the moment she started crying uncontrollably and so I said, "oh, ok you’re coming with us…" My initial choice was to just let the girls stay and say my goodbyes at home….like it used to be. That way, they would only feel like I went "somewhere", like I would pop up at home anytime, and to them it would just feel like I am always around. But having to see someone go, really go…like in an airport or bus stations, one could not be spared of that painful experience as you see someone you love and care about walk away, with each agonizing step after another. I wanted to spare my daughters from those awful feelings….but Jednel was too young to understand perhaps or maybe she simply wanted to extend some more time with me by travelling together. Ohhh, goodness gracious…..
When it was time to go, I tried to be as casual as possible, lots of smiles and laughters like it was the normal thing to do or feel. Even when Jednel started crying, I tried really, really hard to reassure her that soon we will be together again (sans tears, huh!). I said my goodbyes to my parents, told them to take good care of themselves, and yes, I will take care of myself, too….that I love them all a lot and, of course, they do love me, too…….it seemed endless, the hugs, the kisses, the tap on the shoulder, the words of goodbye, then the hugs and the kisses again, then the words of goodbye…..what a torment! The moment I turned my back…then that was the time that every emotion I tried hard to keep in check went crumbling…and crumbling fast on me…..
Tsk, tsk….I got to switch to an outlet power coz the battery in my laptop is threatening me….oh well, might as well finish this off, time to get some lunch anyway and then off to board my plane for a long journey……back home!